sometimes

i am selfish

i want you seated

across from me

with your hands

behind your back

with no way

to move or speak

as I look 

into your eyes 

and I weep 

with no restraint

so you'd feel helpless

at my sight

so you'd feel grief

for what you've caused

and taste the sting

that poisoned my heart

that's ever so

killing me softly. 

vessels are in constant water

swallowing the salt from the world's pains and releasing

only to be filled again. 

the depth of this reception brings an indomitable

and deep love

but not without immense sorrow. 

my heart was born in a large vessel.

i was conceived in water. 

i was conceived drowning. 

i was conceived to survive. 

survival is stroke by stroke

and breath by breath.

survival is tiresome. 

survival is brutal. 

sometimes when my body meets the ocean, 

i wish to walk in,

i wish to be swept away,

to be free to float,

to stop swimming. 

only then could i be free. 

only then could i taste freedom. 

only then could i rest,

becoming one with the water,

with its salt and my salt

carrying the vessel together.